Today is Pink Shirt Day. It is an incredible movement towards bullying awareness and sharing kindness.
Bullying is often seen in a bully-victim dynamic, whereby the victim is someone who needs to be rescued from the grips of anger, aggression and torment of the bully. In most educational settings, the victim receives support and the bully is punished. However, it is not just the victim who needs to be supported, it is also the bully.
The dynamic of bully and victim is not as simple as it may seem and is much more complex than just the behaviours being portrayed in the act of bullying. It becomes imperative that we dig deeper and look at the bully as a person, first. We must look at the entire chunk of ice submerged under water to better understand the root of the behaviour and ultimately the person. For example, what has contributed to this person’s development? What type of life experiences have they had? What type of relationships do they have? What is their socio-economic status? Has the bully been bullied?
The intent of this notion is not to dismiss or excuse the negative behaviour, but rather, to provide insight on how to best support the person who is bullying in away that does not just put a bandaid on the problem behaviour. The educational system has taken tremendous action to support people who are being bullied and there are incredible leaders, organizations and initiatives in place to empower those who are being bullied to speak out and stand up against bullying.The next step, and arguably the most important, is to support and empower the person who is bullying to feel strong enough, supported enough, and loved enough to make better choices and take better action. This is not done through traditional consequences and punishment, but rather requires a rehabilitative approach with consequences that teach clear boundaries while also helping the person grow their self-esteem in a way that is positive and healthy. When looking at the bully-victim dynamic, we must understand why there is bullying and determine a plan to support and empower both people beyond the bullying.
If you or someone you know is being bullied or if you or someone you know is the bully, there is support out there for all of us to grow and change. It starts with awareness, compassion, grace, forgiveness, and then be willing to try a different way of being. Check out www.qicreative.com for resources on how to help create positive change. Additionally, check out www.pinkshirtday.ca for very useful resources to support this movement. It is changing the world, one victim and bully at a time.
Awesome!